Great Grub

Published on February 14th, 2017 | by Gorjus Greg


Romancing the Stone

Valentines Day is the day where (if you are in some way involved with a partner) you are supposed to wine and dine your significant other.  Flowers, chocolates, jewelry, cards and a dinner to remember are usually the course of action for any would be suitor or romancer. But what if the target of your affections is on a diet??  Alright she’s not going to eat the flowers, fuck it, she’s not getting any anyway. Jewelry? not a hope. Chocolates? well, she’s on a diet. Card? Covered-ish.  So the only thing left is the dinner to remember, and trying to book an overpriced table on V day is next to impossible, not to mention, a fundamentally ridiculous idea anyway.  Yes I’m a cheapskate.  So I’m cooking.

Can you eat chicken? Chicken.

So chicken it is! With mushrooms, maybe, and salad.  Wow! Hardly a dinner to remember, right? So WTF am I going to do to make this meal in anyway impressive.  I could slaughter the chicken at the dinner table and work from there, yet I suspect that that would be viewed more so as barbaric than romantic.  So I feel my only option is to sauce it up.

Problem Number 2

I know that pretty much any sauce that I like or even like to make is usually an avid dieters nightmare. So what are my options here? She’s on a diet, which I might add is a little confusing as she looks fantastic.  Moving on!  My mission now is to find and reproduce a diet friendly yet mouthwatering sauce that will complement the beautifully grilled chicken and superbly rinsed salad.

Holy Guacamole! Do you like Mustard Honey?

Grilled chicken can be tasty, don’t get me wrong.  Salad veg can also be interesting, but combined they lack a certain something.  So after 30 seconds searching on Google I found a recipe for classic guacamole.  Allegedly guacamole is diet friendly, not to mention tasty.  The ingredients are easy to source and the recipe is fairly straight forward, you can buy it ready made beside the packets of tortilla crisps in any supermarket.

No seriously, the romance here is in the making of the guacamole. So here are the ingredients

Ingredients for Guacamole
  • 1 small jalapeño seeded and finely chopped
  • 78 44/51 ml fresh corriander chopped
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 2 tbsp lime juice approx.
  • 1 clove garlic minced.
  • 2 ripe avocados (about 8 oz/250 g each)


  1. Take a bowl and combine the jalapeño, corriander, salt, lime juice and garlic.
  2. Cut the avocados in half just before serving. Remove the pits. Scoop out the flesh and dice. Add to the mixture in bowl and mash the lot with a potato masher. Viola! Instant Homemade Guacamole

So the addition of this deliciously healthy and diet friendly dish will not only help make the poor auld chicken salad more interesting, it will prove to your better half that you are truly a god in the kitchen.  I like it!

Hang on! why did you mention mustard in the heading? I hear you.

Get yourself a ramekin, fill it with honey and add a spoonful of wholegrain mustard for a honey mustard dressing on the side.  It’s always a winner.

Thanks for coming in.


About the Author

Gregory Donaghy: Homeless, unemployable, misanthropic alien life form with a penchant for stating the obvious.

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